


𝔟𝔯𝔬𝔨𝔢𝔫

by yuggiooh



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Broken, Bulimia, Crying, Depression, Dom Brian May, Dom/sub, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecurity, Light Masochism, M/M, Oops, Pain, Panic Attacks, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-02-28 08:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuggiooh/pseuds/yuggiooh
Summary: will you end mypain?will you take mylife?In which Freddie Mercury can't love himself and Brian May comes to his rescue.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I love Freddie Mercury so much and I just wanted to write something sad because I am sad and I can't stop. oops
> 
> this is just a prologue btw,, it was rlly short and since i am not a good writer im-

Friday in the evening, sobs were heard in the bathroom of a studio. Quiet, but loud enough to echo. there, lay a broken man that cried, closing eyes shut. 

Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of Queen. The man that was seen as the confident one of the band, was disgusted by himself. He trembled as he dare not look into the mirror that lay his face. Even so, a small glimpse he would take would break him down. The sight of his teeth disturbed him as he covered his mouth with his hand, wanting to cover the sobs and his own image. 

Surely, he would own a fake smile, but he hated it. Every evening, when his other bandmates would retreat home, he always found himself in the bathroom. Letting all of his emotions out. It was a daily routine for Freddie since his bandmates wouldn’t really see anything strange. They thought he would just want to practice on his own but they were wrong. 

His eyes were swollen from the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He was so tired and wanted to sleep forever, but he knew he couldn’t do that.

So with all the strength he had left, he lifted himself up and walked his way home. 

\--

The next morning he woke up tired than ever. He dreaded to get up and go meet up his bandmates but he did so anyway. As usual, he would arrive late to the studio and get scolded by brian. Oh, how he loved Brian, but he knew the tall man wouldn’t ever like him back. 

‘I mean look at yourself, you are ugly and let’s please not talk about your teeth’ his mind would say as he held back his tears with a bright smile. 

“Seriously Fred, will you ever be early?” Roger scoffed jokingly, but that hurt Freddie. 

“I'm sorry darling, I just overslept” Freddie kept that bright smile. 

John and Roger chuckled at his excuse, while Brian just shook his head disappointed. 

Freddie pretended to not see Brian and moved to the piano that was set in the studio. Playing a few keys before watching his bandmates get ready.

Once all of them were ready, they warmed up with a few songs and they began recording their album. Some arguments would slip in and out but it would end with a laugh.

Once the clock hits 12 pm, they take a break and order some Japanese food. Freddie was spacing out, contemplating whether to eat or not since he had been trying to lose more weight even though he was already underweight. 

“Freddie… Freddie!” Roger looked worriedly at Freddie who was awfully quiet, god, too quiet for his usual self.

“Huh? Sorry darling what did you say?” Freddie nervously focused on the blonde in front of him.

_‘Why are you always making people worry? Don’t you see that causes so much trouble?’_

__“I asked, what did you want to eat?”_ _

__

__“Oh, I am not hungry right now. I still feel full from this morning!” Freddie said while trying to smile when he was starving himself._ _

__

__“...Ok?” Roger looked more worried now but decided to just order for the three band members._ _

__

___‘You stupid idiot look what you’ve done.’_ _ _

____ _ _

___Freddie ignored the voice and spaced out. He didn’t mean to do anything to worry them. He frowned at the thought, had he been too obvious? He didn’t really know._ _ _

___ _

___Time moved on quickly as the food arrived rather shortly and Freddie just smiled at the three men digging into their food._ _ _

___ _

___After eating, they made a lot of progress into their new album, which they were all happy about. They talked and talked and laughed. That was the only time Freddie would be genuinely happy to be alive, but as soon as the clock hit 6 pm, it was over._ _ _


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sad stuff? 
> 
> Well yes, but actually no. 
> 
> (Still a bit short though :/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg thank you all for commenting on my prologue it makes me to so happy,, i want to cry :') (sorry I didn't reply. I felt very shy,,,,)  
> I was very unsure whether or not to post this since it is very "dark" but y'all made me so happy with your comments and kudos and y'all motivated me to do this chapter AHH dnjsnd
> 
> anyways, enjoy this poor-written chapter.
> 
> "songfic"? idk, i just wrote some lyrics to some sad song...

6 pm is when they call it a day and go home, well, except for Freddie. As always, he would be the one to stay behind. They would all say their goodbye and leave him behind. 

His smile would fall once the door shut closed and he would stay where he was sitting, just staring at the keys of the piano. 

His fingers gently fell on the keys and created a slow, deep continuous melody. He didn’t notice how much time had passed before his voice spoke up. 

“Will you end my pain?  
Will you take my life?”

__He gritted his teeth as the tears threatened to fall. His fingers put more force into the keys as if they got angered at a single thought._ _

___“Will you bleed me out? _  
_Will you hang me out to dry?” ______ _

______His breathing didn’t follow as he struggled to get the painful notes out._ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Will you take my soul in the midnight rain? _  
_While I'm falling apart _  
_While I'm going insane”_____ _ _

____________His body trembled. He felt so weak and _so _tired.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“See, I'm a waste of life, I should just kill myself” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________A sob escaped, softly echoing in the studio but could surely be heard from the outside. He had been thinking of that thought for some time, weighing himself to see if he could get any better. But he couldn’t do that to his friends, not when he cared deeply about them and they were a band._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“But it really wouldn't help-” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“Freddie?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________The color drained off of Freddie’s face as he abruptly stood up, looking directly at the tall man that had entered the studio. He was panicking, oh god, why was he so distracted lately? Why couldn’t he be normal like he was covering before? When did his body give up acting happy? Especially when he was in front his band mates, his _crush. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________His breathing hitched and he clutched into his heart. He messed up, and now Brian was by his side, trying to communicate with the smaller man who could only hear a blur. His eyes were covered in tears as he holds onto the taller as if he would die if he let go._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Freddie’s heart hurt and his throat would tie up into a knot, not letting him breathe. Only the choking sobs would break out of his mouth, desperately trying to find air._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Freddie, listen to me,” Brian held Freddie gently as he continued, “shhh… I got you, just breathe…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Just those words reached into his heart, and it was as if his body reset itself, gradually slowing his harsh breaths and slowly relaxing his body. He let himself fall into Brian’s arms and let small cries come out as his body shuddered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“There you go, shh… you did good, you’re a good boy.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Somehow Brian’s soothing words made Freddie fall in love all over again and cuddled into Brian’s chest. He felt safe for once in his life and he welcomed the feeling._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________\--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Sunlight trespassed the curtains of a room, bringing a warmth that was set in Freddie’s heart as his eyes slowly opened. He looked around to find himself alone, but where was he? He felt a slight panic as he quickly got out of the bed and examined the room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________His thoughts overtook him and his mind started racing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________What had happened? Did he get drunk and stayed at someone’s house? He didn’t know what was going on and he froze when he heard the door open._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Freddie? Oh, you’re finally awake!” The tall man exclaimed as he walked toward Freddie and giving him a hug. “How are you feeling?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Freddie stood still until the sudden memories of yesterday flashed back into his brain. So, he was at Brian’s house, no wonder he didn’t feel tired._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________“Fred? You ok?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________‘You should probably answer you idiot’ ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Freddie snapped back to the tall man who looked worried and said, “Oh, I’m fine darling, I just spaced out again haha..” He tried to not be too awkward as he tried to keep a conversation going. “Say, what happened after um… _that _yesterday?”  
“Oh, well after _that _happened, you fell asleep and since I didn’t know where you kept your keys, I took you here,” Brian said, before adding, “I didn’t think you would mind, I mean- Uh-”_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“I don’t mind at all, darling. I was just curious, that’s all.” After that sentence, they fell into an episode of awkwardness and they both didn’t know what to do in that situation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Freddie looked at the floor, suddenly interested in the texture and distracted from the soft tension in the room. Brian was the one to speak up first._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“Well, if you’d like, I made breakfast while you were having your beauty sleep. Wanna come?” Brian chuckled at his own statement along with Freddie who then nodded in agreement._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________As Freddie sat down on the table, there were two plates set up by the taller man. Some eggs, bacon, and french toast were set on the plates, and it looked delicious. Brian was a good cook after all._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Before Brian could sit to eat his food, he offered a mug of coffee to Freddie, which he gladly accepted. “Thank you, darling.” Freddie smiled at the taller man who had now started eating._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“Of course, Fred.” Brian smiled back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________It was very nice Saturday morning. They would talk and laugh and they would enjoy a very good meal. They were happy with just the two of them along. Normally, Roger would be talking _too much _and John would be _too quiet _. While Freddie and Brian just synced up together in their conversations. Well, not until one of them would ruin it, of course._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________“Hey Fred, can I ask you what happened yesterday?” Brian had asked out of nowhere, which caught Freddie off guard. Yeah, he almost choked on his own food._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________“Oh, um…” Freddie paused, not knowing what to say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t trust me”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________Quickly, Freddie said, “No! It’s not that I don’t trust you Bri… I just don’t really feel comfortable talking about, not when you suddenly witnessed it yesterday…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________Freddie frowned. He did trust his bandmates, he just didn’t like talking about his _problems _.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________‘Yeah, because your problems are pretty fucked up’_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Take your time, Fred. I just want to let you know that you can always talk to me, okay?” Brian smiled once more at the smaller man._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________“Of course, thank you Bri.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________After they ate, they cleaned up and decided to go to the studio, even though Brian insisted for Freddie to rest after what happened the day before._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________________Brian was just shocked after what had happened. From Freddie’s thoughts that were portrayed in his lyrics to his panic attack just scared him. He just didn’t expect that to happen. All he wanted to do was to go back to the studio to get the jacket that he left inside._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frian goes to the studio and have a good time,, until thoughts come in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating late :(. I had an AP exam last week and I couldn't write much with so much studying,, 
> 
> I have finals next week so you won't probably see me in a while.. I should have posted this during the summer lol, that way I could have updated more often. Oh well, I'll try my best.

When Brian and Freddie arrived at the studio, with Brian insisting for Freddie to rest, they argued in a friendly way. Since they wouldn’t attack each other of course, but Brian was worried. 

“You sure, Fred? I don’t-” 

“I’m fine, darling. Promise. I don’t want us to get behind anyway.” Freddie smiled. 

Brian didn’t smile back. He didn’t want Freddie to be with a troubled mind all day because he had too many thoughts. He didn’t know why he cared so much now. It was as if Freddie was his top priority now and he needed to protect him at all costs, but it felt right to care too much. 

“Bri? C’mon, we don’t want to be later than we already are.” Freddie chuckled and proceeded to walk towards the studio while having Brian behind his steps.

As they entered the studio, Roger and John seemed to have had a deep conversation, but it soon died away when they turned around to see the two men standing in the doorway. 

“Unusual seeing you late, Bri” Roger smirked at the taller man. 

Brian laughed, “Sorry about that, me and Fred had breakfast together.” He said as he pointed to the smaller man standing beside him. 

“And you didn’t invite us?!” Roger exclaimed dramatically, placing his hand over his heart as if offended. A few minutes in and John was fake crying holding onto Roger as they accused the other two men. 

Freddie’s laughter echoed in the studio, and Brian’s heart fluttered. He didn’t know why his heart would suddenly jump with joy when he heard his laughter, but he tried to ignore it. There were many things that he didn’t know about and he wasn’t planning on getting an answer soon. 

They all laughed in the end, finally setting up and tuning their instruments and discussing their songs. This was the part that Freddie was most thrilled about since he would love adding new things to make their music better. And they all loved that about him. They could always have arguments but they would always end with Freddie just making everything better. 

“Do we think we could maybe add some high notes into this part?” Freddie suggested as he directed at the bridge of a song that they were working on. 

“Yeah, sure. I think that would sound better, with a contrast of low and high notes” Roger agreed as he nodded towards Brian and John who agreed as well. 

Freddie was happy to hear that. Since he would always care about everyone’s opinion, either from his music or his appearance. If he heard fans talk about how he should cut his hair, he would do it the very next day to make them happy. Or if his bandmates changed something in Freddie’s music, he would go along with it, trying to make everyone happy. He didn’t want to argue but when he did, he would go along with it or suggest something, in hopes to make them be in a better mood. 

“I think we are set,” Brian said, “should we give this a shot?” 

John just nodded while the other two said ‘yes’ in return. They went through this routine multiple times, maybe adding a few things or changing something, but they all worked together. 

\--

After an exhausting morning, they decided to go out to a fancy Japanese restaurant rather than getting takeout. Brian and Freddie sat down on one side of a booth as Roger and John sat on the other side. The booth they settled in was near a window that looked out into the beautiful sunny afternoon. 

A waiter came by their table and took their orders. Roger flirted with the waiter as always, and the others just shook their heads in disappointment. But, they were all having a pretty good day, to say the least. Conversations about life and dreams were spoken at the table as laughter and smiles came from the bandmates. They genuinely enjoyed being by each other and connecting as a family and nobody wanted to break that relationship.

As their food arrived, everybody dug into their food while Freddie just stared, worried about the food that sat in front of him. More often it wasn’t the appearance, but the amount of food. He didn’t want to eat too much and get judged by people, oh god, he couldn’t bear the thought of getting a just a little bit chubby. Freddie just quickly decided to eat big portions of food before he stood up from his seat. 

“Hey, that was fast. Where are you going, Fred?” John seemingly pointed out as soon as the singer stood up.

“Uh, just gotta go to the bathroom, darling. I’ll be back soon, don’t worry” Freddie reassured as he smiled towards the three men who were all paying attention to him. 

As Freddie visibly disappeared through the men’s bathroom door, Roger quickly spoke up, “I’m worried about Freddie. He keeps acting all weird, and I’m not saying that he isn’t weird already, but it just… doesn’t feel like he is himself lately.” 

“I agree. It seems like he is acting like his usual self when he is distracted in the studio with us but…” John paused and stared at the door before continuing, “there are times where his mind would just take him into another universe…” 

“Hey, Brian, have you noticed anything about Fred lately?” Roger asked. 

“Come to think of it, this morning he asked to go to the bathroom after eating, but I didn't think much of it” Brian responded slowly as horrifying thoughts came to mind.

They stayed silent for a long time a Brian frowned at the door. He didn’t want to believe the thoughts of what Freddie could be doing in the bathroom. 

After just a few seconds passed, he stood up from his seat and proceeded to go to the men’s bathroom. Roger and John didn’t question but they knew what he was planning. It was probably for the best for the taller man to handle the situation, so the other two stayed in their seat, only staring at Brian who had now entered the men’s bathroom. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you could give me some ideas for the next chapter or suggestions it is greatly appreciated!! Thank you :’) your comments and kudos make me very happy <3


End file.
